“It  has   pockets!”

The grand conspiracy

18th November 2017

We know that there’s a lot of serious stuff happening in the world right now. Sexual harassers are being named, people are still homeless from the Grenfell Tower fire and there’s a whole lot of political limbo going on.

So perhaps in the grand scheme of things, wondering why women’s clothes tend not to have pockets might seem a little trivial. But, it’s 2017, and women need functional clothing equality.

Chloe Beeney, a London-based fashion stylist who has worked for Burberry, Tatler and the Sunday Times says: “Often, as the designer says, it ‘ruins’ the line of the garment and pillows out at the hip, something that women say they don’t want.

“Personally it drives me crazy. It is a two-fold issue, designers don’t want to put them in, and women say they don’t often want them.”

Could this be true? Do women not want functional clothing? Well, according to the passionate and vocal online women’s pocket movement we absolutely do.

Do these look like the social media posts of women who don’t care about pockets?

A lack of pockets disrupts our lives in a number of different ways.

We can’t open doors efficiently when we’re juggling possessions in our hands. Instead, we have to awkwardly cradle things in our arm and ease ourselves through. Give us pockets and we’ll stride through doors without a care in the world.

We can’t put our hands in our pockets when we’re waiting around for someone. Instead, we’re forced to awkwardly cross our arms or scroll through Facebook to pass the time. Give us pockets and we’ll stand around with a cool relaxed aura of someone who has options.

Even worse are the pretend pockets. Not only do we have tantalisingly fake pockets that look functional but are far from it, we have to lumber our possessions around with us, cramming them into a bag if we want any hope of not dropping stuff as we go about our day.

The more I think about it, the more it seems likely that if they give us the pockets we want, we won’t buy so many bags. Could it be a conspiracy?

Ah yes, bags. Have these been made necessary by the patriarchal fashion world to sell us more products we don’t need by taking away our chance at functional fashion? The more I think about it, the more it seems likely that if they give us the pockets we want, we won’t buy so many bags. Could it be a conspiracy?

Bags mean we carry more things than we need – it would look ridiculous to hold a bag with just a phone and a lip balm at the bottom – can cost a fortune and they can do serious harm to our backs and shoulders.

So now we carry around unnecessary items, with less money to spend, because we’ve spent it all on a bag, while men waltz around with all the pockets they need.

But still, weighed down by our possessions and the choices of the fashion world, we are deemed worthy carriers of our boyfriend’s things. “Oh, just pop these in your bag,” becomes a regular phrase us bag lugging, poor, pocketless women hear.

Multiple sources in the fashion industry denied they’d ever heard of the bag conspiracy, saying designers tend to “put aesthetics above practicality when it comes to women’s clothes” and that high street clothes are inspired by catwalks, rather than what real women want.

So, let us stamp our feet, raise our tired hands in dissatisfaction and demand the fashion world hear our woes and make clothing with pockets.

Please, fashion designers, bring us some functioning fashion.

18th November 2017