How to spot a lying woman

Here’s your guide to the biggest lies men are told

19th October 2017

Women, they lie. They can’t be trusted. Am I right, lads?

Sure, men are statistically more likely to be liars, but women are so much better at it. During a high profile rape trial in the US a few months ago, a defence lawyer said women were “especially good” at lying, and he might be right.

Yes, there are women who lie about being raped (even if they’re almost insignificant compared to the number of men lying about raping someone). But women tell lots of everyday lies too.

So men who think women are lying to you – it’s about time one of us admitted it.

In the spirit of openness, here are some examples of some of the more common lies men are told, so you know how to avoid dishonest women.

“I’m a lesbian”

Signs it’s a lie: A nice easy one to start with. If you’re hearing this, it probably means she thinks you’re being “too much”, and she just wants it all to stop without you invading her personal space any further.

What it means: Some women are lesbians, which means they’re not sexually interested in you. Some women are lying about being lesbians, which also means they’re not sexually interested in you. Either way, it means she’s not sexually interested in you.

What to do about it: There’s no lesbian test, I’m afraid – no, not asking her to prove it by getting off with a girl. Sorry, not even as a joke – she probably won’t find that funny even if she laughs (see below).

“I’ve got a boyfriend”

Signs it’s a lie: Perhaps you have an aggressive stance, maybe you pulled over your car to talk to her as she was walking by the side of the road or you just ignored her when she said she wasn’t interested. Either way, she’s somehow got it into her little head that you’d respect a man’s “ownership” a lot more than her authority to say no.

What it means: She’s not playing hard to get. When she says she has a boyfriend, she might have a boyfriend. Or she might not be interested in you. But she’s not going to change her mind.

What to do about it: Don’t grill her about what her boyfriend does and how long they’ve been together. You have nothing to gain from catching her out in a lie, even if you’re mortally offended that she would make up a fake boyfriend just to get rid of a nice guy like you who was only being friendly.

The fake laugh

Signs it’s a lie: To the untrained eye, it’s hard to spot one of these because sneaky women are incredibly good at this one. Usually it’s about context, so it’s helpful to retrace your steps up to this point and consider what’s going on around you. Did you grab her arse out of the blue? Did you make a sexual joke or a joke about her appearance or name? (For example: “Your name is Robyn? Do you have a red breast HAHAHAHA?”) Is she backing away from you? Are you very drunk?

What it means: It probably means that she can’t tell just by looking which men are angry and aggressive and which ones aren’t. I know, it’s a shame she isn’t prepared to take the gamble, since not all men are like that and, for every man who might kill her, there are so many more who only want to have sex with her.

What to do about it: If you have an inkling she’s fake laughing, perhaps it’s best to leave her alone. Imagine she’s a 6ft tall, 20 stone man – how would he react? If you think he might punch you, that’s a clue as to what she’s feeling inside.

“That’s interesting”

Signs it’s a lie: You’re likely to hear this if you tend to have a lot of views on things that only or mostly affect women. Is she following it up with a question? No? Are her eyes darting round the room, as if hoping to be saved from the conversation by someone else she knows? Then she’s probably not interested.

What it means: She doesn’t want to get into a debate with you. Or perhaps she considers you so misinformed that it would be too exhausting to try to educate you and she doesn’t know where to start. She probably doesn’t realise it’s not a man’s job to know everything about women and you can have an opinion on whatever you want.

What to do about it: If you want to avoid this particular lie, listen to her opinions on the subject rather than telling her yours. What have you got to lose? She might actually know something!

“Yes I did have an orgasm”

Signs it’s a lie: Do you know what she’s into? No, I mean have you asked her? Maybe you wanted to show her the time of her life but you didn’t want to make sure she was actually enjoying it, in case you seemed like you didn’t know what you were doing. Here’s a little tip: if nothing touched her clitoris, it probably didn’t happen.

What it means: No matter how much sexual experience you have or how many porn scenes you have watched, women are all different and they like different things. But she probably doesn’t want to hurt your feelings by being honest. Or it was so bad that she just wanted it to end as quickly as possible.

What to do about it:

One thing the world’s greatest lovers have in common is that they don’t just go for it and hope for the best. Yes, when it comes to sex, women should all like the same things as that would make it much easier, but they simply don’t.

“Thank you”

Signs it’s a lie: Is she a stranger that you saw on the street and “just had to” tell her how beautiful she is? Believe it or not, she might not actually be thankful for the compliment. She might even have the audacity to not care what you think.

What it means: This might not be a lie in itself but “thank you” means a different thing to her than it does to you. She’s probably not aware that by saying “thank you” she’s entered into a conversation with you. She’s probably just saying “thank you” because she doesn’t want to risk be called a “stuck up bitch” if she doesn’t say anything.

What to do about it: If she didn’t ask you a question or give you a compliment in return, is it likely she wants the conversation to continue? Is she walking away? Do women like to be followed? Consider these questions before you make her take her earphones out a second time to say something else to her.

 

So now you know. Men, what lies are you sick of hearing over and over again? Don’t @ us – leave a comment in your own mind and come back to it during times of reflection.

19th October 2017